weighty matters
2002-12-30

I'm feeling really stressed, crappy, unhappy, depressed, all those yucky feelings. I'm feeling them all right now, Oh, I forgot Lonely and wanting to be alone in my misery :D. Yes I am mentally unstable, thank you very much. But I'm not going to talk about all of that crap. I'm not in the mood. I'll just keep that ball of stress in my chest for right now.

I've lost 30 pounds in the last year! GO ME. I didn't do anything to lose it, it just went away. I'm figuring if I actually actively try to make better food decisions consistantly instead of sporadically I'll lose more faster!

I'd like to start excercising again, but walking will not cut it. It hurts my legs badly and my feet get numb. I was actually going to go walk today, despite that, but it was raining. So today's goal is to have one glass of water between every glass of soda. I really don't drink enough water. Heck, I don't drink any water if I can help it.

The number I'm at now is a number that I ALWAYS plateau at. Especially when i'm trying to lose weight. I can't find my spreadsheet from when I was doing CAD/Atkins to see if I got lower than this. I don't think I did. Anyway, I'm actually .5 lower than my normal plateau... but i've only seen that number twice so... we'll see if it holds out.

I'm motivated. I'm not sure why. Probably because its the only thing I can control. LOL. I'd like to lose 100 more pounds. I think that's realistic for me to be able to maintain at. But short term? I want to lose 25 pounds. It would be a number I haven't seen in ten years! I've been focusing in five pound chunks. I haven't been doing my normal OCD about weighing daily and writing it down. Sometimes I'll weigh, sometimes I won't I don't get all excited until I see a number down a bunch of times.

I think winter is a really really bad time for me. Of course, JUNE was too LOL so, so much for thinking my depression is seasonal. Ah well. FOCUS

I'm going to be a healthier me this coming year.

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