feeling guilty
2003-09-22

I'm a little off.

I'm worried about my sister. Which is funny, because I feel I'm more fucked up than her. That may not be the case though. When we went to the Faire, Josh and his brother were supposed to go, and he took the day off so he could go, and then didn't show up. What an Ass. She drove her car all the way to his house so that he could replace her shocks, and then he said he was coming tommorow so she should take it home, and then he didn't show up AND didn't call.

She's bought this house all by herself, and thought she had someone to rent the apartment, and then they decided not to, and didn't even tell her. I love her, but I know (or I think I know) that she doesn't really want me around. She doesn't want me to steal her friends, which she feels that I do. I don't mean to.

I have enough to deal with worrying about me. Is that selfish? I feel selfish. Its really important to me to help other people. Worrying and stressing takes alot out of me, and I've been trying not to do it, but is that wrong? Is that selfish of me? Is being selfish wrong? Should I be going out of my way to make an effort with her? I have a little bit, but she has more. Part of my not wanting to is that she looks down on me, my lack of a 'real job', my weight/eating, my "freak"iness.

I wish everyone was happy and fulfilled and in the relationship they wanted. Heck, I wish I was too LOL.

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