drama continues
2003-11-02

Today has nearly driven me insane. Sometimes I think the mom doesn't know how to say anything nice. I think that there should be some rule that allows mom's not to comment on your life after the age of 18.

I looked at pictures of pumpkin today. From when she was an hour old until she was 5. I miss her so much.

MM called today and wanted to talk about what went on Friday night. I'm not sure how to approach it. I'm just going to be vague. I'm a little upset with myself. I should start not telling people things. My big mouth gets me into trouble. He said he missed me, and I said I missed him. I do... I think... We have chemistry, and when I talk with him, he makes me happy. I was drunkenly laying my head on his shoulder friday night and we had a nice little kiss. It felt safe... and sweet ... and really I wanna cuddle with that man.

I woke up very lonely Saturday morning. I am as well today. I know i'm keeping too much inside. But it all threatens to spill out. I'm afraid of what happens when it does. I'm just afraid right now. This constant ache in my stomach is ... well... constant.

I don't even want to talk about work. I'm going to bring up to A cancelling going to the conference. I don't think i'll be able to deal, and none of us really want to go.

I should finish getting ready, I'm meeting them for drinks.

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