spiraling
2003-09-16

First let me remind you people that whenever I see dallas or ntx in my stats it makes me paranoid. Actually seeing verizon in them also makes me paranoid, but not in the being supeona'd for a lawsuit paranoid. So if you're coming here on an isp through north texas/dallas drop me a note so I don't have some sort of nervous breakdown.

Speaking of nervous breakdowns... I'm sure its just a rough week. But the desire to crawl in bed and stay there and say 'fuck it' to life is really strong right now. I can feel it sucking me in... I'm fighting it barely at this point. It will probably actually get worse while I'm house sitting this week. I've tried to put together P and I getting together with the 2 other girls we met sunday. Because, you know, that's what a normal person would do. Of course the mental side of me thinks that nobody likes me, they don't really want me to be there, they want her to be. waah waah poor me. I know I make fun of my feeling like that. But I feel it in a very real way.

Fuck, who would ever want to be around me. I'm so emotionally erratic. From how I feel about myself, to how I feel about other people. It changes on a whim. I have nothing to offer anyone.

spiraling

Some days I just want to close my eyes and not wake up

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